Whooo! I'm not one year old I promise. But DECEMBER is here! This week marks my 1 year anniversary blogging. And last week was my birthday! Two pretty significant dates I would say. I can honestly say I wasn't quite sure I would be able to maintain this blog but I did. I'm proud.This year was very low key. I spent a good portion of my birthday in the library. Nerd. I know. I didn't really do much celebration this year, come to think of it none actually, very different from the previous year. But that does not take away from how extremely grateful I am to God for blessing me with another year. This year has had its ups and downs but through it all I know He's always been by my side and has taught me some valuable lessons as I continue to grow in Him. I'm grateful to my wonder family who has put up with this 'princess' for ## years.
This post is going to be quite raw. Be warned. It almost seems inappropriate to go from such a happy tone to a more serious one. But this is something that has been weighing heavily on my heart for a while now and I figure I would share. This past year I've found a shift in a lot of friendships. To be exact I find myself drifting apart from some relatively close people. I think we often feel obligated to hold many relationships because of time. For example childhood friends or friends you met in high school. But some relationships just leaves you feeling drained, mostly because you're doing all the work in trying to maintain them or they are simply just unhealthy (I'm not saying I am a perfect friend, of course I have my many flaws) But we do outgrow friends overtime. As we mature and find a better understanding of who we are, our needs and value systems changes and will differ from others.
I've always been willing take on the role of being the listener/advice giver or whatever you want to call it. I'm not much of a sharer but ever so often when I do, I find that most people don't really listen or somehow find ways to turn the conversation back on themselves. So, I listen instead. And I've mastered that to some extent. Most are shocked how much detail I remember about a particular conversation that was held or their life in general. It usually goes something like this..."How'd you know that?"..."Eh you told me"..."Oh really." I'm not saying don't talk about yourself, I think we get so wrapped up in our lives we forget others are living life too. We fail miserably to use any sense of emotional intelligence we have to know when to stop talking and listen.
It would be a lie if I said I wasn't hurting. This has been a very difficult period for me. Emotional detachment is the hardest part. I sometimes miss these friendships but I ultimately know I'm making the right decision and I'm trying to untangle myself from feelings of guilt. Of course the love I have for them will never change. It's weird to not have that 'best friend' kind of person to speak to about your day without really having to say much because you know they would understand. It's a bit lonely at times. But in all of this, God is revealing to me that my dependency should be solely on him. I've found myself talking to him more. Friends, even long-time friends will disappear but God says...
Hebrew 13:5 "I will never leave you nor forsake you."
God does understand the need for human relationships. And because of this has brought some wonderful people into my life within the past year or so. Although they can't finish my sentence or fully know what I'm thinking all the time because the relationship is fresh but I know they truly care. And I'll take that any day...
