Let's Talk Money...

So I lay here trying to sleep and realize I have to get this out! God is simply AMAZING. Like seriously. In the midst of my doubt, fears, trials, and despair, He totally came through. Money is a subject that is never spoken about. It's such a taboo in our society to speak about our financial situation. The acquisition of money perhaps finds its way in conversations but certainly not the other side, the lack of money. So I bring all this up to share a testimony.

I left my job last semester which pretty much covered rent and miscellaneous expenses. I knew this semester would be quite difficult without that stability to fall on but I felt everything would be okay. Boy was I in for a surprise. I thought I knew what BROKE was. Usually when I'm "broke" I have a few hundreds in the account. But "broke" this semester was more leaning towards a negative balance. Of course you wouldn't be able to tell. Yes, I'm seen with my Armani bag (which was a gift, thanks Vera) and people assume you're living large. We assume the grass is always greener on the other side.

I have to pay rent for my summer internship and rent for my stay in Barcelona in a couple days. I'm totally freaking out! I usually don't like to challenge God but I had a conversation with Him that went a little something like this:

"Yo God I really need you right now. Things aren't looking too good. I need you to work this out by Saturday. Yes, Saturday. I am giving you 7 days to make it happen. I'm your child and if you love me you won't let me down...."

Today, day 4 of the challenge, I received a phone call from my summer internship saying they had a check for me (signing bonus)...can you say AMEN! I picked up the check and realized this is way more than I needed. Now was this coincidence or was this God? I'm thinking the latter. He is so faithful and I can't even begin to fathom how powerful He is.

I think God has really put me through this experience to learn a valuable lesson. I worry about everything and God is saying He's willing to take care of everything if I just let go. Yes, I'll probably be making a lot of money this summer but I sure will never forget how it felt to have nothing and continually praise God for what it is I do have and try to use it to help others.

I really wanted to share this with the hope that this post is encouraging to someone. Goodnight :)

Check out Matthew 6:25-34

Hiatus

I can't believe my last post was March 30 that is over a month ago!!! Simply unacceptable. Well it's not that NOTHING has been transpiring in my life...quite the opposite...EVERYTHING imaginable has been going on. Thanks Katie for making me aware of my hiatus :) I'll break down my topics in sections. Let's just say my faith has been truly tested and is continuing to be tested. I'll start with...

BARCELONA

So I think the last I spoke of this was that I was applying to the study abroad program in Barca for the fall semester. Well I've been accepted and even got some scholarships to go. I'm very analytical and like to think things through prior to making decisions but in this case Barca seemed to be calling my name and I didn't quite plan everything throughly. I figured God had my back. Well after completing a budget, oh my $15k is A LOT. I'm grateful for the scholarships received but I'm still very far from $15k. Let's just say I'm really nervous about the decision I've made and I'm hoping it was the right one. I'm too young to be in debt! I'm really trying to have faith in God and trust that if he really wants me to go everything will work out. *sigh* Please keep praying for me.

SCHOOL/WORK

I think I'm realizing more and more how much I hate school. Not the typical I'm stressed, more like I really don't know why I am here. I'm going to spare you the rant but these feelings could spurn from the fact my counterparts are graduating and I'm STILL here completing a double major and 150 credits enabling me to sit for a CPA, which I'm not sure I even want to do. My heart cries for something more than this. The more I think about it, it's rather depressing. In my last post I described how I wanted to spend this semester with my family. EPIC fail. School, case competition, and Phi Chi have totally taken over me. I would like to be just a student who goes to class and does nothing else. Why is that so hard to do? Why do I do so much? I need to rearrange my priorities. My hope is this summer I'll have time to figure things out. Speaking of summer so my internship start date is now MAY 24. YES! That's the Monday right after finals and graduation. I'm excited, nervous, scared all at once. It's finally here much quicker than I thought. My plan was to read up on the financial markets this semester to prepare me...didn't quite happen. I just want to excel but finance is not my forte and I'm IS & Accounting major working with a financial services firm doing Investment Banking. Ah...sometimes I look at my life and laugh at how I land where I do. I'm so grateful to God for wonderful opportunities but it's still scary...

RELATIONSHIPS

So as you know I gave God my pen in this department. BUT I need to be honest with myself. I think I'm slightly falling for a friend. I really don't want the pen back. It's too much work to figure things out on my own. I don't know exactly where this is coming from could be very temporal. I think the thought of not having this person around as often as I would like has me confused as to where our relationship stands. I see this person as one of my good friends who happen to posses certain qualities I admire. I need to get back into the Word and make God my priority. My greatest fear is settling, invariably taking this person away from the person God has created for them and I losing out on the greatest love story God may have for me. I don't think I'm ready for a relationship with anyone else other than Christ. Ahh opposite sex friendships are confusing even those founded on Christ. It's still difficult even with a believer. I praying for guidance.

LIFE

I've realized once you get past a hurdle another seem to arise. A never ending cycle. Life is continually filled with difficult decisions. There so much I can say about this but being in a fraternity has made this even more pertinent. I love my frat brothers but I feel God has called me to live a "set apart life." Once you label yourself as a Christian all eyes are watching you. Some want to see you fall so they feel they don't have to change their life since Christians are hypocrites. while others look up to you. It's an enormous amount of pressure. You want to have fun but you wonder what the boundaries are. I Corinthians 10:13 Paul says "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." I want to be that light that shines in a world of darkness. But it's very hard to do sometimes being so young and the thought of slipping up is even more scary.

Wrap-Up

Sorry for the long post but I tried my best to encapsulate what happened in my life for a month in a few paragraphs. Sidenote: I'm extremely proud of all my graduating friends and I'm truly surrounded by wonderful, intelligent, loving friends who I have no doubt will be successful in whatever endeavors they take up. Congrats Grads!