Let's Talk Money...

So I lay here trying to sleep and realize I have to get this out! God is simply AMAZING. Like seriously. In the midst of my doubt, fears, trials, and despair, He totally came through. Money is a subject that is never spoken about. It's such a taboo in our society to speak about our financial situation. The acquisition of money perhaps finds its way in conversations but certainly not the other side, the lack of money. So I bring all this up to share a testimony.

I left my job last semester which pretty much covered rent and miscellaneous expenses. I knew this semester would be quite difficult without that stability to fall on but I felt everything would be okay. Boy was I in for a surprise. I thought I knew what BROKE was. Usually when I'm "broke" I have a few hundreds in the account. But "broke" this semester was more leaning towards a negative balance. Of course you wouldn't be able to tell. Yes, I'm seen with my Armani bag (which was a gift, thanks Vera) and people assume you're living large. We assume the grass is always greener on the other side.

I have to pay rent for my summer internship and rent for my stay in Barcelona in a couple days. I'm totally freaking out! I usually don't like to challenge God but I had a conversation with Him that went a little something like this:

"Yo God I really need you right now. Things aren't looking too good. I need you to work this out by Saturday. Yes, Saturday. I am giving you 7 days to make it happen. I'm your child and if you love me you won't let me down...."

Today, day 4 of the challenge, I received a phone call from my summer internship saying they had a check for me (signing bonus)...can you say AMEN! I picked up the check and realized this is way more than I needed. Now was this coincidence or was this God? I'm thinking the latter. He is so faithful and I can't even begin to fathom how powerful He is.

I think God has really put me through this experience to learn a valuable lesson. I worry about everything and God is saying He's willing to take care of everything if I just let go. Yes, I'll probably be making a lot of money this summer but I sure will never forget how it felt to have nothing and continually praise God for what it is I do have and try to use it to help others.

I really wanted to share this with the hope that this post is encouraging to someone. Goodnight :)

Check out Matthew 6:25-34

Hiatus

I can't believe my last post was March 30 that is over a month ago!!! Simply unacceptable. Well it's not that NOTHING has been transpiring in my life...quite the opposite...EVERYTHING imaginable has been going on. Thanks Katie for making me aware of my hiatus :) I'll break down my topics in sections. Let's just say my faith has been truly tested and is continuing to be tested. I'll start with...

BARCELONA

So I think the last I spoke of this was that I was applying to the study abroad program in Barca for the fall semester. Well I've been accepted and even got some scholarships to go. I'm very analytical and like to think things through prior to making decisions but in this case Barca seemed to be calling my name and I didn't quite plan everything throughly. I figured God had my back. Well after completing a budget, oh my $15k is A LOT. I'm grateful for the scholarships received but I'm still very far from $15k. Let's just say I'm really nervous about the decision I've made and I'm hoping it was the right one. I'm too young to be in debt! I'm really trying to have faith in God and trust that if he really wants me to go everything will work out. *sigh* Please keep praying for me.

SCHOOL/WORK

I think I'm realizing more and more how much I hate school. Not the typical I'm stressed, more like I really don't know why I am here. I'm going to spare you the rant but these feelings could spurn from the fact my counterparts are graduating and I'm STILL here completing a double major and 150 credits enabling me to sit for a CPA, which I'm not sure I even want to do. My heart cries for something more than this. The more I think about it, it's rather depressing. In my last post I described how I wanted to spend this semester with my family. EPIC fail. School, case competition, and Phi Chi have totally taken over me. I would like to be just a student who goes to class and does nothing else. Why is that so hard to do? Why do I do so much? I need to rearrange my priorities. My hope is this summer I'll have time to figure things out. Speaking of summer so my internship start date is now MAY 24. YES! That's the Monday right after finals and graduation. I'm excited, nervous, scared all at once. It's finally here much quicker than I thought. My plan was to read up on the financial markets this semester to prepare me...didn't quite happen. I just want to excel but finance is not my forte and I'm IS & Accounting major working with a financial services firm doing Investment Banking. Ah...sometimes I look at my life and laugh at how I land where I do. I'm so grateful to God for wonderful opportunities but it's still scary...

RELATIONSHIPS

So as you know I gave God my pen in this department. BUT I need to be honest with myself. I think I'm slightly falling for a friend. I really don't want the pen back. It's too much work to figure things out on my own. I don't know exactly where this is coming from could be very temporal. I think the thought of not having this person around as often as I would like has me confused as to where our relationship stands. I see this person as one of my good friends who happen to posses certain qualities I admire. I need to get back into the Word and make God my priority. My greatest fear is settling, invariably taking this person away from the person God has created for them and I losing out on the greatest love story God may have for me. I don't think I'm ready for a relationship with anyone else other than Christ. Ahh opposite sex friendships are confusing even those founded on Christ. It's still difficult even with a believer. I praying for guidance.

LIFE

I've realized once you get past a hurdle another seem to arise. A never ending cycle. Life is continually filled with difficult decisions. There so much I can say about this but being in a fraternity has made this even more pertinent. I love my frat brothers but I feel God has called me to live a "set apart life." Once you label yourself as a Christian all eyes are watching you. Some want to see you fall so they feel they don't have to change their life since Christians are hypocrites. while others look up to you. It's an enormous amount of pressure. You want to have fun but you wonder what the boundaries are. I Corinthians 10:13 Paul says "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." I want to be that light that shines in a world of darkness. But it's very hard to do sometimes being so young and the thought of slipping up is even more scary.

Wrap-Up

Sorry for the long post but I tried my best to encapsulate what happened in my life for a month in a few paragraphs. Sidenote: I'm extremely proud of all my graduating friends and I'm truly surrounded by wonderful, intelligent, loving friends who I have no doubt will be successful in whatever endeavors they take up. Congrats Grads!

"Acts of the Apostles"

I can't count the amount of times I've said I will read the entire Bible in a year. Usually start off relatively well, come January ending....epic fail. That is exactly why reading the Bible in a year wasn't part of my resolution this year. I did make a strong effort to read the entire book of Acts for the month of March. By the grace of God....success!

Today concluded my readings. The book of Acts was so inspiring, stimulating, and encouraging all at once. Each passage depicts the "acts of the apostles" through the power of the Holy Spirit after Jesus commanded them to "be [his] witness to Jerusalem, and all of Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." (Acts 1:7) They were following JC's instructions to preach the gospel to all nations. Acts primary focuses on the ministry of Peter and Paul. At that time the teaching that Jesus Christ is the only way in order for us to be saved was such a RADICAL concept to grasp during those times. As Peter declared in Acts 4:12 "Salvation is found in on one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men in which we must be saved." The Jews back them believed in the obedience of the laws of Moses simply as a gateway to heaven. As a result many Jews rejected the teachings of the apostles and plotted numerous times to silence these workers of Christ.

Dude, these people went through so much persecution from beatings, stonings, jail time, even DEATH, and still came up on top because of Christ. I contemplate how I would have reacted if faced with such trials. Not too sure. Good thing I wasn't born then. My point is as brother Paul said at some point "I am ready not only to be bound, but also to die in Jerusalem for the name of the Lord Jesus" (Acts 21:13), we need to step it up for Christ. He literally gave HIS life in order to give US eternal life. It such a beautiful thing. To think that we continue to nail him back to that very cross through our actions daily is simply sad.

I'm so grateful for the gift of salvation given to me and the fact that I'm fully aware of Christ's love for me. And I pray that I will be able to be as bold and persevering as these disciples for the sake of Christ. As Easter approaches it's so important to keep in mind what exactly we are celebrating - the death and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Present Family Affairs...Future Issues

How many times have you said to yourself, "I'm never going to be like my parents." "I'm never going to raise my kids the way I was brought up." "I'll never this or that...."

So the other day I happened to have an argument with my father...the issue, not important. But the following day I woke up and felt very disappointed in the way I handled the situation. Weird. I'm so stubborn to the core and usually think I'm always right. So I was quite taken aback by my remorseful state. Anyways I said God please forgive me and teach me to be a better person not only to outsiders but to those closest to me. A couple hours later I opened this book I haven't read in a while to continue from where I left off and boy was I in for a shock. Let's just say God's timing could not have been more perfect.

The author speaks on how everyone has "them" in our lives. The only requirement for "them" is familiarity. So "them" could be family, pretty much those people who really know how to get under your skin. We are model citizens to everyone else but to "them" we become monstrous beings. I'm thinking...WORD. But why should we behave that? I know I say I'm going to be more loving and affectionate towards my future partner/family but the truth is I don't even do it now. Don't get me wrong I LOVE, I just have a very difficult time expressing that love. My current family relationships should be a training ground for my future relationships. We should "train to model Christ with "them" so we can be really good at it when we get married.

Yes, our family will embarrass us or hurt us in some way but we need to learn to loyally stand by "them." Forgiveness is key. Imagine if God walked out on us every time we embarrass Him! For me that would have been walking out on me over a million times! But no He stuck by me. Amazing! - "We love Him because He first loved us." - 1 John 4:19

I moved back home this semester but I'll be moving out again in a few months for work. I would be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to being on my own once again. But honestly now I'm really looking forward to these next few months I have with my family...to work on mending our relationship, and spending quality time with each other. I want to be the best daughter/sister to my current family, so I can be the best wife/mother to my future family. Emulating Christ in every aspect of our lives is what God requires from us.

Ephesians 4:32

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

Difficult Decisions

It's been almost I month...I miss thee. There's just been so much going on with me. Also been faced with some very difficult decisions to make. I'll start with some updates. School has been going very well. For the first semester in a while I feel no stress whatsoever. Feels great. Every semester should be like this.

A friend of mine invited me to attend an interest meeting for her organization Phi Chi Theta. It's the premier business co-ed fraternity in the business school. I went and loved the people I met. It was great to meet such diverse and unique individuals. I decided to go through the process. Glad to say I was selected and inducted into PCT! Something about meeting new people gets me excited. There's a retreat this weekend at a house by the lake side somewhere "undisclosed." I happen to know where it is but guess since I'm not supposed to know I won't "disclose." This is a great segway into something I would like to discuss. I had quite a difficult decision to make. PCT retreat happens to fall that same day as vacation bible for DayBreak. An organization I volunteer for. I was really torn as to where I should go. It felt like I would be choosing one over the other. It seemed like a case of choose what's more important to you. Both being equally as important at the moment isn't making the decision any easier. I think I've made a decision but I'm really not sure if it's what I want or the "right" decision. In essence life is exactly like this. At some point in time we'll all be faced with decisions we don't want to make but my hope is that God will be there to walk me through my difficult situations.

I'm not sure if you feel this way but I honestly feel certain conversations with people were meant to happen at particular times. As if it was predestined. Weird statement, I know. But I thoroughly believe it. I had a conversation this past week with someone I know but we've never really spoke for a long period of time. Let's just say I never thought a conversation could be as inspiring as this one was. I know I'm glazing over the details but I got a lot out of it and it felt great to know I unknowingly had an impact on someone's life. Lesson learned: take time out to talk to people who normally would not, you may never know what God has in store for you that day :D

The Pen

Whoa. Before I continue...just want you to know I've been in my house for about 6 days now due to SNOW. yes SNOW. Snomageddon as our President Obama would call it. No school for the past 5 days. Historic. That was just a side-note. I digress...

So it's been almost a month since I said God here's my PEN write me a great love story. No more manipulating situations to fit my ideal or desires. No dating too. I'm not sure what I was expecting. It would have been nice if the story went something like this. My entire world changes, and by some incredible fate I ran into the hands of my Prince Charming (P.C.) who happened to mysteriously fall from heaven and we lived happily ever after in blissful matrimony. NOT QUITE. I guess I was expecting a change, probably not as big as described but a significantly noticeable change. Am I disappointed? Honestly speaking YES. So what went wrong? I've really being pondering on that same question and have come to the conclusion it's entirely my fault and I have no one else to blame.

Well initially while reading the book When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric & Leslie Ludy, I was definitely reluctant and apprehensive about everything illustrated in the book. Then the realization of the potential of the "sweeter song" hit me and suddenly I was excited to finally give God my pen and live on a whole new perspective on how dating and relationships should really work. Mind you I was in London. Coming back home to America as I slowly settled back into my reality, school, and back to my life I began to lose excitement for the cause and began to lose sight of why I made such a decision . I guess the best analogy I can give is to say....it's like someone having a desire to lose weight and just enrolling themselves in the gym. How do you expect that person to reach the goal if they do not take the initiative to motivate themselves. You can have a personal trainer but if you continue to eat that scrumptious vanilla bean cheesecake [I love so dearly] everyday... essentially if you don't do your part it's all meaningless. I'm certainly not the queen of analogies but I hope that paints the picture. My point is I haven't been doing my part. In theory and in my mind I say God is the center of my life but my actions say the opposite.

Now since I promised to be transparent in my first blog as a woman of her word I will. Now let me keep it real, if it was just me and God, I'm straight but the reality is there are people in the puzzle. <---- that sentence makes more sense in my head. I promise. But the truth is, it's so not easy being in college and saying God take my pen. And it's even harder when you have an EX in your class who sweetly saves you a seat everyday. Now you're probably thinking girl, you should have dropped that class or switched sections! Yea I thought the same thing. But I didn't because I'm stronger than that and yes just because I gave God the pen that doesn't mean I have to run or duck from my ex's or any guy I've ever spoken to in the past.

It's not easy for someone like me who's likes to be in charge, choose and date who I want, control freak to take a backseat and say God here I am all yours...do as you please. But this is something I want. I chose to give Him the pen and in reality I need to do may part, little steps at time is all it takes. God is so loving and abounding in love that I know and believe things will work out even better than I can ever imagine. Such a life is so much sweeter...

The sweetest things in the world today have come to us through tears and pain.

-J.R. Miller

So Much To SAY...

Hello World,
So there's been some technical difficulties keeping me from blogging...but my account is back and running well...at least from now. This is going to be a very long post due to the fact I have a lot to say and was not able to say them. Perhaps I'll break it down nicely.

My Vacation
Getting away from Maryland was awesome! It was something I really needed to do. But 2 weeks into my trip I found myself missing so many things. Very simple things...like Noodles & Company, Chipotle, Popeyes, driving, ABC channel, Football (the real kind American not soccer), this is just a short list. Haha - mostly food places. While London has a lot of things I like; the rich culture, the architecture, the general way of living is so much more relaxing. Those Europeans really do know how to enjoy life. And perhaps I'll be joining them shortly. Time will tell :)

The purpose in which I came here didn't particular happen the way I had planned, but honestly God is quite the comedian and had better plans for me. I came to party, get wild and have a good time BUT I left London feeling so much closer with God and I don't regret a single moment of how the whole thing went down. I fell in love with Him all over again and it feels GREAT! He was there for me when I really needed Him and has a way of showing me that "His thoughts towards me are good."

I'm finally home. Back to America! Not particularly looking forward to starting a new semester on Monday but that only means one less semester closer towards graduation. So it's all good.

Haiti
I'm sure we're all aware of the Haiti earthquake disaster that took place on Jan 12. It's a very sad moment in history. And everyone's seems to be looking for some sort of explanation either through science with the tectonics explanation or religious views. The truth is we will NEVER know why God made such a disaster happen. All we need to do is pray without ceasing for comfort and aid for the Haitians and that in some way this disaster will be the driving force that brings people in the country closer to knowing God and accepting Jesus as their Lord and Savior. While prayer is great, God says how can you say you love me and do not able to give your neighbor a glass of water. Donate whatever you can. There are so many organizations out there as avenues in which you can send your donations. Visit these links

http://www.worldhope.com/

http://www.worldvision.org/

http://www.worldrelief.org/

http://www.compassion.org/

Implications
The biggest revelation that came to me was...everything is VANITY. This reminds me of the book of Ecclesiastes which describes toil, pleasures, and inherently everything as MEANINGLESS. It really is. I read an article about a Haitian couple who worked extremely hard for years to build a successful hotel business in Haiti. The day before the earthquake the couple were millionaires and now they are sleeping in their car. The lesson is simple. We need to stop worrying about such materialistic things, clothes, shoes, cars, money. Don't get me wrong, it's great to enjoy life and the all the riches God has bestowed to us but keeping our focus on Him is what's what really matter. A memorable quote I learned from a PWC partner Chris Simmons is "Keep the main thing the main thing!" The main thing is God!

There's a Yoruba saying that says "Fast now so you won't have to fast later." It makes more sense when said in Yoruba. In essence it's saying diligently fast and pray to God so that you won't be placed in a situation when you have NO choice but to fast. For example some survivors in Haiti have gone without food and water for days now and are still alive by the grace of God. We think, okay let me speak for myself. I have never really seen the purpose of fasting, but I'm learning it's really to let God know you're willing to let go and deprive yourself of the physical to get closer to him spiritually.

I've learned so much this past 4 weeks and I'm looking forward to growing and learning more in Him. In such difficult and trying times it's hard and perhaps appears impossible to keep the faith but it's even more crucial that we do now.

Hebrews 10:36
You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.

With Love,

In _ We Trust...

I really need to blog about this. So there appears to be this reoccurring theme that's I've been receiving lately. I'm starting to think it's a message God is really trying to get across to me.

So I wasn't really in the mood to read my bible today but wanted some sort of God interaction, I decided to go check out the Frontline Silver Spring's site to see the sermons I've missed (which is a lot btw) lol. Anyways I chose to listen to the latest by Nate Keeler titled "In ____ We Trust."

Word. Everything he talked about hit straight home. The topic was centered around the question "Is God the very center of your life?" I would like to think so. But analyzing the question even further made me to realize that the answer is NO. At times I commit some aspects to him and often try to take control of the other. The thought of giving over EVERYTHING to God cause me anxiety. The thought of giving over my love life to Him causes me the most anxiety. Ironically, I was just given a book by my friend Fana titled "When God writes your love story" by Eric & Leslie Ludy. (Truth be told I've had the book for a while, just hadn't bothered to open it till I got in the plane heading to London last week) The book is quite fascinating and embodies everything I've been either hearing or reading.

The truth is I would like to think I know who I want in a partner but honestly speaking I've fallen for the same types, the attractive, smart, tall, charismatic types. Who often find it intriguing to be with an cute, smart, and ambitious girl with high morals. But here I am still single. Now what's the problem? I'm in charge and obviously choosing the wrong guy!! What needs to happen is for me to let go of all inhibitions and just tell God. Look YOU CHOOSE. And trust he won't let me down.

I think I'm starting to listen. This is obviously a message He's trying to get across to me and it took over 3 attempts for me to finally get it. But I GET IT. I'm learning to officially trust God with the pen of my life. :D

Psalm 37:4-6
Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord trust in him and he will do this. He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

Happy New Year!!!

It been 2 hours since we came back from church. So I had plans to NOT celebrate New Year in the church. I was going to go out and have a wild time. Ha! I ended up in church. lol. God always has his own plans. Anyways I really did enjoy myself. Went to Redeemed Church in Peckham with the UK fam. So many people, had to go to another sanctuary and watch the preaching from a screen.

I'm SOOOOOOOOOoooo excited about 2010. I have such high hopes and expectations. It's going to be wonderful. I pray God will elevate me physically, spirititually, financially, academically, and in my career as well. I pray that no harm will come to either myself or my family and friends.

I know this year is going to be better than the last. Overall 2009 was great, like a rollercoaster but it ended nicely and 2010 will top that.

I don't usually do resolutions but these I what I plan to do:

1. Release every aspect of my life total to Him.
   
2. Continuing growing in my relationship with God. I've come really far and want to keep climbing up.
   
3. Be more openminded and read more leisure books!
   
4. Be more focused academic have create goals for the year.

Doesn't seem like much but certainly #1 is going to be the toughest to adhere to. But by the grace of God I will fufill all these resolutions. London's New Year's Eve parade in the morning. Must sleep. Goodnight :D

London Bound

So I leave for London tomorrow evening....EXCITEMENT!!

Updates:
Since I haven't written in a while. This semester was remarkable. God has been tooo good to me. I feel like I'm living a dream. I'm so thankful to God for my grades 3.5 baby!!!(4.0 next semester eh???) I have a great internship lined up with JP Morgan (haha Delaware bound). I love my family and friends for everything and the best (21st) birthday ever. Ahhh love life. Quit RA-ing at Courtyards (that's another story/post). Just moved back home. I'm in a good place. I don't have everything I want but I've learned to be content with what I have. Praise God.

London here I come!