BARCELONA
So I think the last I spoke of this was that I was applying to the study abroad program in Barca for the fall semester. Well I've been accepted and even got some scholarships to go. I'm very analytical and like to think things through prior to making decisions but in this case Barca seemed to be calling my name and I didn't quite plan everything throughly. I figured God had my back. Well after completing a budget, oh my $15k is A LOT. I'm grateful for the scholarships received but I'm still very far from $15k. Let's just say I'm really nervous about the decision I've made and I'm hoping it was the right one. I'm too young to be in debt! I'm really trying to have faith in God and trust that if he really wants me to go everything will work out. *sigh* Please keep praying for me.
SCHOOL/WORK
I think I'm realizing more and more how much I hate school. Not the typical I'm stressed, more like I really don't know why I am here. I'm going to spare you the rant but these feelings could spurn from the fact my counterparts are graduating and I'm STILL here completing a double major and 150 credits enabling me to sit for a CPA, which I'm not sure I even want to do. My heart cries for something more than this. The more I think about it, it's rather depressing. In my last post I described how I wanted to spend this semester with my family. EPIC fail. School, case competition, and Phi Chi have totally taken over me. I would like to be just a student who goes to class and does nothing else. Why is that so hard to do? Why do I do so much? I need to rearrange my priorities. My hope is this summer I'll have time to figure things out. Speaking of summer so my internship start date is now MAY 24. YES! That's the Monday right after finals and graduation. I'm excited, nervous, scared all at once. It's finally here much quicker than I thought. My plan was to read up on the financial markets this semester to prepare me...didn't quite happen. I just want to excel but finance is not my forte and I'm IS & Accounting major working with a financial services firm doing Investment Banking. Ah...sometimes I look at my life and laugh at how I land where I do. I'm so grateful to God for wonderful opportunities but it's still scary...
RELATIONSHIPS
So as you know I gave God my pen in this department. BUT I need to be honest with myself. I think I'm slightly falling for a friend. I really don't want the pen back. It's too much work to figure things out on my own. I don't know exactly where this is coming from could be very temporal. I think the thought of not having this person around as often as I would like has me confused as to where our relationship stands. I see this person as one of my good friends who happen to posses certain qualities I admire. I need to get back into the Word and make God my priority. My greatest fear is settling, invariably taking this person away from the person God has created for them and I losing out on the greatest love story God may have for me. I don't think I'm ready for a relationship with anyone else other than Christ. Ahh opposite sex friendships are confusing even those founded on Christ. It's still difficult even with a believer. I praying for guidance.
LIFE
I've realized once you get past a hurdle another seem to arise. A never ending cycle. Life is continually filled with difficult decisions. There so much I can say about this but being in a fraternity has made this even more pertinent. I love my frat brothers but I feel God has called me to live a "set apart life." Once you label yourself as a Christian all eyes are watching you. Some want to see you fall so they feel they don't have to change their life since Christians are hypocrites. while others look up to you. It's an enormous amount of pressure. You want to have fun but you wonder what the boundaries are. I Corinthians 10:13 Paul says "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." I want to be that light that shines in a world of darkness. But it's very hard to do sometimes being so young and the thought of slipping up is even more scary.
Wrap-Up
Sorry for the long post but I tried my best to encapsulate what happened in my life for a month in a few paragraphs. Sidenote: I'm extremely proud of all my graduating friends and I'm truly surrounded by wonderful, intelligent, loving friends who I have no doubt will be successful in whatever endeavors they take up. Congrats Grads!
No comments:
Post a Comment