Where are You?

Bonjour,

Yes I know it's been almost four months since I've blogged. If we're friends on facebook you know I've been everywhere else (Delaware, Houston, Philly, New Jersey, Atlanta, Baltimore) but my blog. And you guys have consistently reminded me of my hiatus. Which I'm grateful for because this means I actually have people that read my posts. So thanks :) There's been so much that has transpired this past few months and my fear was how I would transform 4 months of existence into a post hence the post hiatus but I'm going to try...

Let's begin with my summer...

WORK
So I interned with JPMorgan and it was quite an experience. A good one. The work (investment banking - project management) was okay, not exactly what I call the "sexy job" but the experience really opened my eyes to what I would like to do at the start of my professional career. For me the best part of my experience was the people I got to meet. Very genuine people and some really good friends for life. It felt surreal being surround by top executives in the company and being asked for my opinion on certain issues. I had the opportunity to become really good friends with the Global Diversity Officer for the company GLOBALLY! Till today I can't believe how that happened - the fact that I can call up the GDO of JPM worldwide and she's like "Hi Tayo". The only thing I can say is definitely the favor of God. This woman is absolutely amazing and has been a wonderful mentor during my experience there. God's worked it all out and really made me shine as an intern as a result I was offered a full-time offer to return after graduation. With what's going on in the economy and even knowing recent graduates without a job, it feels awesome and humbling to know that I have this great opportunity. I'm still asking and praying for directions on what to do. I know it sounds like a no brainer! "Take the job! What are you thinking?" (most of you are thinking). But honestly when it comes down to it, my philosophy has been not to accept the obvious but rely on God to direct your footsteps and lead you in the direction He wants you to go. And that's what I am doing right now.

LIFE
So far I've spoken of a lot of positives. This past 4 months hasn't all been rosy to say the least. So I'm going to keep it real. I struggled a lot with my faith this summer. Like a lot. I think I possible failed every test God gave me. Shame. I know. But by his grace I'm able to now look back and see areas of potential growth. 2 Corinthians 12:9 "For my strength is made perfect in your weakness." I struggled deeply with maintaining good finances. It felt like I was working and making a lot of money but the money was flying out invariably having nothing to show for it. I also struggled with my relationships with men. This area really got me down and virtually separated me from God. Mostly because I thought I've grown so much in learning how to have healthy relationships with guys and handing over "the pen" to God and such. My approach was to just completely erase and not acknowledge guys in my life. This included deleting numbers, texts, yes and even some facebook friends. I mean it worked for a while but the lesson was still not learned more like suppressed. Hence I fell back into the trap. A friend wrote this to me...

"perhaps God's trying to teach you how to handle such friendship/relationship in a godly manner because if he stopped putting guys in front of you now, they'll just pop up later, and you will still struggle...but learning to deal with it the God-glorifying way will be more beneficial than simply having God remove attractive guys from your life...after all you can't seem to avoid them!

Honestly this is possibly the wisest advice I've gotten in a long time. But it's so difficult to be level-headed when you're not in your comfort zone or in other words surrounded by people who you know will hold you accountable for your actions spiritually. It's something that happens whether I'm in Delaware, California, or across the globe in London. I'm really trying to get to a place where it's just me and God - no matter where I am. To a place where I'm constantly thinking if He approves of my actions. It is extremely difficult but it's a life He requires from those who love Him.

BARCELONA
So if you've seen me in Maryland I'm obviously still in America and NOT Barcelona, Spain as I intended to be for fall study abroad program. I really wanted to be in Barca, but I don't think it was God's will. Trust me, I didn't take it easy, having to drop out last minute, certainly one of the circumstances that had me questioning God and His love for me. Funny right. Humans I tell you. It's sad that we let our faith be based on God's activity and not His identity. I'm gradually starting to see why I needed to be here this semester and I'm more than grateful the way things worked out. Barcelona can wait :)

MOVING FORWARD...
I'm taking each day a step at a time. I'm loving everyday I wake up and every moment the Lord has given me. Peace and joy is such a rare experience that many people don't get on a daily basis. And that's mostly because we worry too much. But when you let go and let God you start to feel peace and inner joy that's inexpressible...it's beautiful. And I'm feeling it. My semester is full but so much fun. I'm picking up a 4th language, French, taking a massage class, learning finally how to play tennis (correctly) and how to swim (correctly). Don't get me wrong it's not all play, I'm still taking my business courses. But I'm really excited about my last year in undergrad. I'm getting involved in things I never thought I would. For example, today I started to learn how to tight-rope walk and skydiving trip coming up soon - c'mon you gotta keep up with me :)

Peace & love
Au revoir mes amies

P.S Please leave thoughts and comments, I really appreciate your inputs.

Hiatus

I can't believe my last post was March 30 that is over a month ago!!! Simply unacceptable. Well it's not that NOTHING has been transpiring in my life...quite the opposite...EVERYTHING imaginable has been going on. Thanks Katie for making me aware of my hiatus :) I'll break down my topics in sections. Let's just say my faith has been truly tested and is continuing to be tested. I'll start with...

BARCELONA

So I think the last I spoke of this was that I was applying to the study abroad program in Barca for the fall semester. Well I've been accepted and even got some scholarships to go. I'm very analytical and like to think things through prior to making decisions but in this case Barca seemed to be calling my name and I didn't quite plan everything throughly. I figured God had my back. Well after completing a budget, oh my $15k is A LOT. I'm grateful for the scholarships received but I'm still very far from $15k. Let's just say I'm really nervous about the decision I've made and I'm hoping it was the right one. I'm too young to be in debt! I'm really trying to have faith in God and trust that if he really wants me to go everything will work out. *sigh* Please keep praying for me.

SCHOOL/WORK

I think I'm realizing more and more how much I hate school. Not the typical I'm stressed, more like I really don't know why I am here. I'm going to spare you the rant but these feelings could spurn from the fact my counterparts are graduating and I'm STILL here completing a double major and 150 credits enabling me to sit for a CPA, which I'm not sure I even want to do. My heart cries for something more than this. The more I think about it, it's rather depressing. In my last post I described how I wanted to spend this semester with my family. EPIC fail. School, case competition, and Phi Chi have totally taken over me. I would like to be just a student who goes to class and does nothing else. Why is that so hard to do? Why do I do so much? I need to rearrange my priorities. My hope is this summer I'll have time to figure things out. Speaking of summer so my internship start date is now MAY 24. YES! That's the Monday right after finals and graduation. I'm excited, nervous, scared all at once. It's finally here much quicker than I thought. My plan was to read up on the financial markets this semester to prepare me...didn't quite happen. I just want to excel but finance is not my forte and I'm IS & Accounting major working with a financial services firm doing Investment Banking. Ah...sometimes I look at my life and laugh at how I land where I do. I'm so grateful to God for wonderful opportunities but it's still scary...

RELATIONSHIPS

So as you know I gave God my pen in this department. BUT I need to be honest with myself. I think I'm slightly falling for a friend. I really don't want the pen back. It's too much work to figure things out on my own. I don't know exactly where this is coming from could be very temporal. I think the thought of not having this person around as often as I would like has me confused as to where our relationship stands. I see this person as one of my good friends who happen to posses certain qualities I admire. I need to get back into the Word and make God my priority. My greatest fear is settling, invariably taking this person away from the person God has created for them and I losing out on the greatest love story God may have for me. I don't think I'm ready for a relationship with anyone else other than Christ. Ahh opposite sex friendships are confusing even those founded on Christ. It's still difficult even with a believer. I praying for guidance.

LIFE

I've realized once you get past a hurdle another seem to arise. A never ending cycle. Life is continually filled with difficult decisions. There so much I can say about this but being in a fraternity has made this even more pertinent. I love my frat brothers but I feel God has called me to live a "set apart life." Once you label yourself as a Christian all eyes are watching you. Some want to see you fall so they feel they don't have to change their life since Christians are hypocrites. while others look up to you. It's an enormous amount of pressure. You want to have fun but you wonder what the boundaries are. I Corinthians 10:13 Paul says "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." I want to be that light that shines in a world of darkness. But it's very hard to do sometimes being so young and the thought of slipping up is even more scary.

Wrap-Up

Sorry for the long post but I tried my best to encapsulate what happened in my life for a month in a few paragraphs. Sidenote: I'm extremely proud of all my graduating friends and I'm truly surrounded by wonderful, intelligent, loving friends who I have no doubt will be successful in whatever endeavors they take up. Congrats Grads!