Oh Sippy Cup Tears

Happy March! Okay March is clearly over but I'm glad I'm making a post before it's officially over. I'm not sure if a lot of you can relate to this post but I will share anyways. Today was just one of those (for a lack of a better word) "blah" days. Like extremely "blah" days. I was so unhappy about everything. I complained about my hair not being perfect, school being such a drag, my legs being too skinny, spending my last spring break at home and not Paris as I had planned, having to take my cousin to school every morning on my spring break, and honestly there was a list of things. I was overwhelmed with sadness to the point of tears. And for those who know me I'm not a very emotional person, so I never cry, well almost never. But this morning I probably could have filled a sippy cup with my tears. And if I were asked what was wrong I'm not sure if I would have had a decent reply...something more along the line (while sobbing) "I don't know. Everything!"

After my sob session I decided my hunger wouldn't feed itself so I decided to get breakfast. I really wanted cereal, opened the fridge to find out there was no milk. OMGeee no milk!!! So I cried again. At this point I knew I was pathetic so I kept crying at the realization that I was crying at the slightest thing. Finding something else to eat minutes later I plopped in front of the television. Usually I'm watching CNN or CNBC to feed the "news junkie" side I have developed over the years but for some reason the channel went to TBN. For those you do not know what TBN is, it is one of the largest Christian broadcasting network in the US. I figured it was better than watching the crisis in Libya and Japan unfold further inciting my sadness. I think I spent an hour or so on the couch and boy was it an uplifting experience. To start off this woman was sharing her testimony about her 3yr old son who had some disease (I forgot the name) which pretty much left him underdeveloped and paralyzed. With faith and prayer her son was healed. The before and after footage was amazing! Praise God! Still upset about my lack of milk I thought wait...I'm healthy! I don't have everything I want but I sure do have everything I need which is simply air, shelter, food. Feeling much better I decided I desperately needed me time with God. Oh the way my heavenly father works! I randomly opened the bible and this is what I came across:

1 Peter 1:8-9 "Though you have not seen him, you love him, and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

I later had a revelation. So I've been very diligent in reading the word and spending quality with my creator. I decided to skip out on devotion the day before. The result of my action was like day and night. All these things I was complaining about didn't magically appear overnight. It's just that when I'm in the presence of God, He fills my heart with inexpressible joy that I don't have time or even the desire to complain. One of my favorite quotes says "A man is a product of their thoughts." WORD. I spent the previous day watching YouTube videos and Facebooking, comparing my life with others. After a long hiatus from social networking sites, I'm now beginning to remember why I had left in the first place. It's like venom. It slowly works into your blood stream then before you know what hit you, you're DEAD. Gruesome...sorry. This is quite similar with the spirit. When we feed our spirit with junk, we produce junk (i.e worry, sadness, depression etc...) but when your spirit is filled with ? (not sure the word but the opposite of junk) you yield good things (i.e. joy). The scripture above is amazing. God did not promise us a trouble free life. Honestly as a Christian if you don't have at least one thing that's not perfect in your life, something is wrong. That's a sign of complacency and there's no room for growth. There's always a reason for situations we face. During the broadcast this song by Mandisa titled, Not Guilty also came on which I thought was so beautiful. This is the exact footage that came on.

Now I'm not saying complaining is bad or it's wrong to desire better things, I'm simply saying it's imperative to not let those desires consume your heart. Because (1) you lose perspective of what you do have and (2) you'll never be satisfied.

Hope this message touches someone. For now I'm saying goodbye to sippy cup tears...

Au Naturelle and all that jazz

Bonne année-Happy New Year! haha I realized you haven't heard this from me yet. And no I'm not a slacker, I've actually been blogging, it's just been set on private. So much for transparency...lol. No but some issues I've been dealing with for the purpose of protecting the individual(s) involved I've decided to keep it private. Yea and I can't even change the names because most people reading this may know who(m) I'm speaking of. With that said I apologize, when the time comes I'll reveal everything....

So, OMGoodness, I cannot believe I have yet to dedicate a post on this topic! To not discuss this subject is to conceal a vital part of my being. Haha, I'm being exaggerative but hope you still get my point. This past October marked my 1 year anniversary of being "natural." First let's define natural hair: (Natural hair is unprocessed hair that has not been chemically altered in texture or color.) To make you further understand this concept for those who are not familiar with black hair I suggest watching a documentary by Chris Rock entitled "Good Hair."

I did not understand the concept of natural hair until I got to college. I mean I never really thought I knew anyone with natural hair but I realize I've seen a few in high school. I used to think they just had really bad perms. Ignorance - I know. Actually two of best friends in HS had natural hair but they wore it differently. Let's simply just say I was a confused teen. Here's a brief hair background story. I was natural for sometime in my life, probably the first 6 years. Honestly a large chunk of my childhood is pretty hazy to me. Moving here from a different country at the age of 7, I forgot a lot of my life before. Not sure the exact age I got my first perm but I had it and it was just a part of life...like brushing my teeth except it wasn't on a daily basis.

So the question I get asked most is why did you decide to go natural. My answer is probably not what you're going to expect. Here we go... So I had my hair constantly straightened for a while instead of getting a perm. (Define perm: a chemical application that changes your hair texture from curly to straight.) One day browsing the internet, I stumbled upon a forum on natural hair and found this other world on 'naturals' on the internet I was not familiar with. I was so fascinated that I would spend hours reading all this info about natural hair. At the time, I was an RA and I brought up my findings during a meeting and said 'I'm going natural' (of course I wasn't SERIOUS) but everyone laughed at me as if it was a joke, but my tone was seemingly serious. Boy did that make me angry! The fact that people thought I couldn't do it, fueled my passion to want to prove them wrong. So that's how it all began. I went the entire summer without a perm. Of course since I wasn't 100% committed I almost chickened out till I took out braids I had done during the summer. I wasn't all that familiar with braids either since I usually didn't wear them in my hair. I did something horribly wrong that could not be fixed. It's like getting gum stuck in your hair. But I had 'gum' stuck in my entire head...a detangling fiasco!!! The hair stylist had no idea what to do, I was frustrated, sad, mortified. 50 minutes after trying to fix it at the salon, I grabbed a scissors and asked her to cut it all off. "Girl, you sure?" "Yes cut it all off!" I replied. And so she did....and I bawled.

And there my natural journey began. Glamorous right? NOT. I didn't fully embrace 'natural' in the beginning. I would wear scarves, hats, weaves, anything to conceal my head. I was very self-conscious because my hair had always been my safety net and to not have that safety was devastating. I felt much more beautiful with longer hair, which I partially blame on society. There's a certain mold of beauty that we ingrain in our minds which we inherently and subconsciously pass on to impressionable kids whether we know it or not.

I'm sure I've said this many times - I have the greatest friends in the whole world. I received a lot of encouragement from both my girl and guy friends. I love my family...but they were the least bit supportive of this movement initially. I finally had the courage to show off my new 'do' 5 months post-cut. The amount of compliments and great feedback I received was outstanding. Not to say this made me more confident, because I was honestly at a point where I could have cared less what others thought about me. This change in the perception of myself was so dramatic. The idealisms of beauty I once had was completely shattered. I created a new image of what I thought was beautiful and boy was I in love with it. To embrace the hair that grows out of my head was liberating! I remain natural because my hair is so much healthier, it's very cost-efficient, and I love the versatility in hair styles. I would be lying if I said I didn't face many challenges and still do. But like so many other issues we face in our lives, you have your happy days, your not so happy days, your extremely angry days, but you wake up the next day get over your frustration, learn from it and keep it moving.

It's been 1 year and a few months since I was 'forced' into making the decision to go natural but honestly that's one decision I'm glad I was forced to do. Out of the plethora of decisions I've had to make, this is certainly one I've never regretted :)

Here are some pics...

relaxed hair.....................big cut.........................1yr natural :)

Au revoir mes amis! - as you can see my French has greatly improved. One day my entire post will be in French and you will have to translate :)